There’s a saying that when a child comes out of the closet, the parents go in. This isn’t always the case, but just as coming out as LGBTQ+ can be incredibly freeing, parents also need a space where they can unapologetically be themselves. For me and dozens of parents I’ve met over the past few years, this space is the Eshel Parent Retreat.
Held annually, the Eshel Parent Retreat brings together Orthodox parents from across the country for three days of education, support, camaraderie, advocacy, meaning and even fun. We are doctors and lawyers, therapists and educators, rabbis and community leaders (among many other roles), and we are moms and dads of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender children. The parent community grows every year as more and more kids feel comfortable sharing their identity with their parents, and parents look for communities that will embrace them and their children.
Our daughter, who is now 21, came out at 15. As a child, she didn’t see herself reflected in her Orthodox school or her shul. She didn’t know one out orthodox LGBTQ+ person, and she overheard a lot of negative talk about LGBTQ+ people. “I can’t believe so and so is gay, I feel bad for their parents” was heard at many a Shabbat table. Even though she knew we would be supportive, she was still afraid of letting us down.